weird front page journal refresh

I'm starting my vacations tomorrow until day 2 \o/ thank god, I'm tired of weird geometry.

expect a pencil work soon enough.

Spend your Holidays well and have fun. Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week!

I do this every year. It's good for exorcising deamons, so to speak.
Tradução portuguesa no meu blog
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A friend of mine said in last year’s retrospective that he wanted me here doing the same thing for this year, and here I am, like the steel. As usual, I don’t recall how the year started. But there went another broken love, if I can call it that. Just another for the number, no big deal…
The first half of the year it was the blowing up of last year’s depression. For a moment, I didn’t know where to hold on. I had the best friend that I could ever had. But like all my relationships (love or not): they are born, grow up, wither and die. I know that there wasn’t enough communication from her part and the friendship died for a cause I’m not able to guess. There wasn’t any objective in maintaining the façade and continue to smile. We died and she got out of my life like someone who pulls off an adhesive very slowly. If it wasn’t for me and pull the fucking adhesive, I would still be here dying from heartache.

In the beginning of the year I was already in profound transformation, hot and red, but now that the year finishes, I feel much more safe about who I really am, In spite of certain blind spots in my mind and body that are invisible to my conscience. I can appreciate better my own maturity and the immaturity I still display sometimes. Maybe the “heart break” wasn’t really a heart break, because it enabled me to finish my transformation. I cooled like steel in the freezing water. Although I still think that I had lots of things to learn with her. The feeling and the value wasn’t returned, but now there is no point in directing my hatred to her for that.

Along the year, I also made efforts to learn something about science, especially Physics. I realized the nature of Chaos and how it is beautiful. I now know for sure that the universe has a course described by a single divine equation, and still nobody knows for sure, not even God, what course I take. The past, the present, the future, nobody knows for sure. I finished my theology and I am able to see a defined new metaphysics that could rebound, until certain extent, the way people think in these days.
As I said once, I’m on the top of my cultural life. Not a culture that you can construct reading other people’s books, talking about other people’s thoughts, but living it, just like Nietzsche described the ideal culture that could blossom.

From now on, It’s always going down. The more transformations a steel piece undergo, more hard it is, just like myself. Until one day it breaks and it is necessary to transform the piece again, if is there any quality coal left to produce a favourable temperature. How much time I will stay in this climax, I don’t know. I’m sure that it isn’t possible to go higher in these terms. The personal work that there is to do is in terms of real life experience and magic experience.

It will be good that I wouldn’t reach the Baroque period, where everything will be too much worked and colored.

Music of my 2005: Kidney Thieves – Mustard Seed
Hill up the road, gathering thoughts
never adding the way I want them
Sweet Jesus show me through
the Indian paintbrush

Faith was
Cursed upon me,
a mustard seed was good enough for him
and good enough to me

Or after all,
will I shake my magic 8 ball, it's bubbling
And the brisk walking heartbeat won't tire me,
it keeps me strong

Faith was
Cursed upon me,
a mustard seed was good enough for him
and it’s good enough to me

Pillar of salt, shaker of black
Killer of thought, turning my back
Believe you were wrong and said they would laugh and I'm trying to be humble about it

I like the rain, I like going against the grain
Seems to me I'm cutting out a simple pattern


Hill up the road, watching my thoughts
chase each other
Sweet Jesus show me
the faith
cursed upon me

I don't know why I like these question things. Maybe it's some kind of inverse-voyeurism kind of thing. Here goes:


Stolen from ~EclipsedMeh

10 things you like:
- have a good conversation with an old friend while drinking an old whisky (never happened before)
- know a lot of shit about a lot of everything.
- know, analyse and understand human behavior (individual and in crowds).
- without a doubt, to write
- give and recieve love without sarcasms
- give wise-guru-old-man-styled maxims that have good effects on people lives
- I like to play computer (wow, an objective thing)
- Nature. you can place the Mother Godess here if you like (I'm not wiccan thou).
- give praises out of nowhere. It's quite interesting to see the lot of people who get angry when surprised by a praise.

3 things that make you happy:
- See other people happy
- Being sucessful
- Being loved

3 things that anger you:
- destructive sarcasm
- mindless wars (including the social ones), I may accept very clever wars being played like a game

10 things that you hate:
- Not knowing where goes my hate to.
- Not knowing myself when I look at the mirror (metaphorically).
- Being hated and ignored without apparent reason.
- seeing friendships falling apart because of simple questions.
- mindless resource spending and pollution.
- not able to communicate properly with someone I like
- modern religion in general (may seem paradoxical to someone who really knows me, but the truth is that I hate the way certain religious leaders lead the weak of spirit)
- not being able to control my feelings to some extent
- general portuguese mindstyle
- when me or someone I love fails in something important

3 facts about your name:
- "Pedro" comes from the Greek "petros" which is the masculine of the word "petra", meaning "Rock". The Second name: "Filipe" means the one who likes horses (never seen a horse actually)
- My parents wanted to call me Benjamin for being the last of the children >_< thank god they didn't go with that one. I'd kill myself
- Petros was the apostle of Jesus that held the three keys to the kingdom of heavens and at the hour of the judgement of his Master, he negated three times any knowledge about Jesus Christ. (curiously enough, I seem to fail more in my actions when I'm almost "there" or finishing something (happens to a lot of people thou)

5 facts about yourself:
- I'm weird. I've made a religion a few weeks ago ( [link] <<< read it at your own risk)
- I'm absurdly complex. If you like being surprised I'm your guy for a couple of decades, then I can be predictable.
- I'm too sincere to be true (sometimes I hurt people because of it, on the other hand, you can't go through me without proper communication, which is a good thing, I think)
- I dream of publishing a book and owning Cleric Preston's Coat (from the movie Equilibrium)
- I can't describe myself according to society standards when looking in a mirror.


2 things you expect (at least for now):
- Expect nothing, grab every oportunity (right...)

4 random thoughts:
- Damn...
- wtf?
- erm...
- I'm too zen to have a random though... oh, the flame of this orange candle is very hypnotic

Song you're listening to (give artist):
finishing Edenbridge - Arcana and starting Kidney Thieves - Feathers

Time:
21:48

playing: Edenbridge - The Palace

I'm sorry that I've been sort of away, but there isn't really much time.
I've totally blew up the mathematics test (6 in 20) for the classes at night and I feel that I just can't do it, and I don't know what to do. non presential test is a possibility, but I'm not motivated. I love maths, but I just can't do it. It's plain stupid I know.
It's not that I need it either, but I want to know the things, not just pass the test.

the course during the day is rolling good. Difficult integration with the coleagues, but if you ask me, I assume it is normal.

I have been with difficulties in producing any fictional text. I hope I'm not loosing my imagination. that would be catastrophic, it would be the downfall of my golden age (which is not golden at all).

the phrase for this month should certainly be: "no point in driving yourself mad trying to stop yourself from going mad, you might as well give in and save your sanity for later."

have fun

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I'm finally getting into a one year crash course of (apparently) industrial design. I'll be studying for that during the day and finishing college at night, so it looks that I'm finally getting a life.

energy is coming around from everywhere and there is a future forming in the line of fate; a thing I didn't have for ages. it's a one shot chance for not screwing up everything again.

"fear is the mind killer"